I Don't *Heart* Valentine's Day
"Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap." --Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Whether I've been in a relationship or out of a relationship, I've always had a thing against Valentine's Day, or as we used to call it as kids, VD [giggle]: Happy VD!
It's not that I'm a cheapskate. Believe me, I've gone into more bone-crushing debt than I care to admit on expressions of love. It's not that I'm not romantic: when properly inspired I gladly offer up my heart to the worst that can be dished out.
When you're not in love (or in a position of unrequited love), Valentine's Day just serves as a false, but very persistent, reminder that everyone else has this wonderful thing that you don't, even though you probably deserve it more than all those other dummies. And when you are in love, it becomes this desperate logistical nightmare to make sure everything goes perfectly because if you don't pull it off then nobody is going to blame her for dumping your sorry ass.
And yes, no misogyny intended, but Valentine's Day is really for women. All guys get out of it is maybe a little something extra later if they've performed their duty. Although, I'm sure Hallmark isn't up to selling Happy Don't Piss Her Off Day cards just yet.
Is Valentine's Day about Love? I don't think so. I think it's about Fear. It doesn't matter what you did the other 364 days of the year (although one's performance on Christmas and birthdays are also potential deal-breakers), Valentine's Day is tantamount to legal extortion.
But then, I don't like the concept of Holidays in general. Or I don't like how we've come to take them so life-or-death seriously. Sure, they can be happy times, but there seems to be a sense that that happiness (rather than the right to pursue it) is an entitlement, so when things go wrong, disaster strikes, and someone is blamed for ruining another holiday.
So even though I don't like Valentine's Day, I still feel under the gun to celebrate it somehow, and not with a bunch of other curmudgeons at an Anti-Valentine's Day party, although I hear these are great places to pick up some fast tail.
No, this Valentine's Day, another broken person who's trying to fix themself and I will likely go down to the Lower East Side in search of some falafel. And we'll look at all the frightened people packing the restaurants and running around like happy maniacs.
To be quite honest I think one of the few good things brought about by Valentine's Day was the one Simpsons episode when Ralph Wiggum finds his cojones.
Whether I've been in a relationship or out of a relationship, I've always had a thing against Valentine's Day, or as we used to call it as kids, VD [giggle]: Happy VD!
It's not that I'm a cheapskate. Believe me, I've gone into more bone-crushing debt than I care to admit on expressions of love. It's not that I'm not romantic: when properly inspired I gladly offer up my heart to the worst that can be dished out.
When you're not in love (or in a position of unrequited love), Valentine's Day just serves as a false, but very persistent, reminder that everyone else has this wonderful thing that you don't, even though you probably deserve it more than all those other dummies. And when you are in love, it becomes this desperate logistical nightmare to make sure everything goes perfectly because if you don't pull it off then nobody is going to blame her for dumping your sorry ass.
And yes, no misogyny intended, but Valentine's Day is really for women. All guys get out of it is maybe a little something extra later if they've performed their duty. Although, I'm sure Hallmark isn't up to selling Happy Don't Piss Her Off Day cards just yet.
Is Valentine's Day about Love? I don't think so. I think it's about Fear. It doesn't matter what you did the other 364 days of the year (although one's performance on Christmas and birthdays are also potential deal-breakers), Valentine's Day is tantamount to legal extortion.
But then, I don't like the concept of Holidays in general. Or I don't like how we've come to take them so life-or-death seriously. Sure, they can be happy times, but there seems to be a sense that that happiness (rather than the right to pursue it) is an entitlement, so when things go wrong, disaster strikes, and someone is blamed for ruining another holiday.
So even though I don't like Valentine's Day, I still feel under the gun to celebrate it somehow, and not with a bunch of other curmudgeons at an Anti-Valentine's Day party, although I hear these are great places to pick up some fast tail.
No, this Valentine's Day, another broken person who's trying to fix themself and I will likely go down to the Lower East Side in search of some falafel. And we'll look at all the frightened people packing the restaurants and running around like happy maniacs.
To be quite honest I think one of the few good things brought about by Valentine's Day was the one Simpsons episode when Ralph Wiggum finds his cojones.
posted by Doc Paradox at 12:00 AM
3 Comments:
"Watch this, Lisa. You can actually pinpoint where his heart breaks in half. Annnnnnnndd...now!"
Speaking for Lisa and some other humans of the female persuasion - there are women who hate V-Day just as much as you, Doc.
Well, I used to speak for women, being under the impression that I was raised by them. But now, much older, much wiser, I only speak for myself. Thanks for giving the double-X chromosome shout out, Myrna!
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